Dear Tanay,

You are FIVE years old today!! I don’t know if you realise this, but, this is HUGE! I have been trying to digest this for the past week or so and seriously, I am yet to come to terms with it. I cannot believe it! I mean.. when did you get so big?! Wasn’t it just yesterday that you were my cute little two and a half year screaming out his A to Z of dinosaurs?! And now you are this handsome little boy who, when Shubham is away, tells me that he is the man of the house and will take care of me! The only thing that hasn’t changed is your crazy hair, but then again, let’s face it, that’s never going to change…EVER!

March 19, 2010 06:21 am, Happy Birthday Tanay!

So, a VERY VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Minju! (yeah… you are probably going to hate me for blurting out this name on the internet. So, sorry in advance.) You are the most wonderful son a mother could ask for. You give me so much of joy every single day that I cannot even put it in words. Especially this past year… you have amazed me with your understanding and love. This year has been hard for all of us. But mostly for you. On one hand you were delighted to have Dhruv as your baby brother, but on the other, you were suddenly forced to take the back seat. I cannot even imagine how difficult that must have been for you. From being the center of attention to having to share the spotlight. But I have to admit… you did awesome!! I seriously did not expect you to handle the situation with so much maturity. From the time, i dropped you off at Aditi Aunty’s house while we went on to the hospital.. to this day… you amaze me and I have come to respect you for that.

I also owe you an apology. In the last few months, I realise that we haven’t really gotten to spend much time together. You know.. some good ol’e one-on-one fun time. And I feel terrible about that. I miss our time together and I promise that I am going to fix that.

You are learning so many new things. There’s karate… and soccer … and your drumming! You have declared on more than one occasion that, when you grow up you want to be a Jazz Drummer! Of course there was the time when you announced one morning, over a cup of milk, that your ambition was to become a vampire and then you proceeded to gulp down the milk, pretending that it was blood! ugh..SHUDDER! You have no idea how happy & relieved I am that you have given up on that. (Atleast that’s what I think.)

I love watching you get excited when you learn new stuff. It makes me realise how much you are growing. I only wish I could protect you from the disappointments that come alongwith it. Just the other day, you walked out of your karate class, head hung low because you did not get a magic marble (given for good work).

“Mommy…did I do a good job???

Mommy.. are you happy with me?? ”

“Yes..Tanay.. I am very happy… you did awesome!”

“But then…why did I not get a magic marble?”

I cannot get that look on your face out of my mind. I just wanted to bury you in my arms and protect you from all this. I didn’t want you to go through this… not at this age! Hell! when I was five, I probably didn’t even know what karate was! You are my baby and I cannot bear to see pain on your face….especially the kind that cannot be fixed with Tylenol.

I know this post has gotten completely out of hand. Hands down the most sappiest one I have ever written. But since I am on a roll, let me just say one more thing. I love you and I am insanely proud of you! I am glad that you are my son!

Have a Rocking birthday!! mmmwaaah!

Love

Mommy

Disclaimer:

This post may come across as somewhat uncomfortable & sappy. I can’t help it. You see, I have never been the one to express my feelings openly. Is this going to be a monthly thing, you may wonder(or fear)…! I don’t think so. We will see how I feel about it after I am done. Also, lately I have been getting way more sleep than my body is used to which has brought back some of the lost sanity. So, at the risk of sounded a lot mushy and a little corny, here goes.

Dear Tanay,

You are 39 months old today. Yeah… It’s been that long since you came into my life. You were a tiny, pink screaming baby looking at me with your gorgeous eyes as if saying, “Yo! nice to meet you!”. You may wonder, why after three years and three months I have sat down to write to you. The answer is simple. I have the time. Before you were born, I went through the usual euphoria and bought tons of rather useless stuff like baby books and keepsake journals. My original plan was to write in the journal regularly. The baby book was used for about 6 months and as for the journal…. well it never took off. I had such misleading dreams about being a mother. I thought I would have time on my hands to make scrap books and picture albums and eat healthy food everyday. And then you happened. And as time went by I realised that I can either do all of that or I can spend time with you. Making the decision was simple. So, if all you remember of your toddler days is eating chicken nuggets, then just remember that I made the right choice. And btw you LOVE chicken nuggets. And they are baked. Being your mom has been the most important and enjoyable thing I have ever done. Also the most hardest. It also comes No. 1 on my ” The coolest thing I have ever done” list.

This morning, as I was looking up the calender, the date struck me and I said OK.. I am going to sit down and write to you. Maybe you will grow up and read this. Maybe not. But at least I would have accomplished one thing which I have been meaning to do ever since that day 39 months ago.

I cannot possibly go back to the day you were born. So I am just going to say things that are on my mind. You have given me so much joy in the last few months. You have started sleeping in your own room and occasionally through the night. And this alone has done wonders for all three of us. I love it when you wake up at dawn and come running into my room to snuggle with me. I will probably never tell you this, but sometimes I lie awake just waiting to hear the pitter patter of your tiny feet entering our bedroom. I love it when you give me one of your big bear hugs and say, ” I love you sho sho much Momma”. Please don’t ever stop doing that. Well…. I know you will… that too real soon… but please don’t!

You still love playing with your dinosaurs. It just amazes me how much you love learning about them. And then there are the sharks. You love them too. And the Big Bad Wolf. And Ursula and Jaffar. Actually you love every single evil character ever to reside in a story. You love cooking up stories of dinosaurs and the Mysterious Beyond (while I feel the creepers crawling under my skin). And you love music. Which I kinda had a hint, when, at six months of age, I saw you moving your feet furiously to “Kajra re“, perfectly in tune with the beat. In fact just a couple of days ago, you amazed me by asking to play the remix of one of the songs, “Play the one with the fast beat”. Much to my dad’s delight (he was a professional soccer player), you are beginning to love and enjoy soccer. And you are so in awe of your Coach Shaun. You want to dress like him, walk like him and even talk like him. No.. I am not exaggerating. Why else would you walk around the house with a pretend microphone in your hands yelling, “ARE YOU READY GUYS? TAKE YOUR POSITIONS!” You dragged me to the shoe store because you did not like the new black and yellow soccer shoes I got for you. You forced me to buy another pair in white and black…… just coz Coach wears a similar pair. By the way Coach Shaun even apologised to me for that. Well… its not his problem that you are totally idolising him. 

Moving on to the next item on your list of obsessions. It’s none other than Kung Fu Panda. You are smitten. No.. not by the cute and flabby panda Po, but by the evil snow leopard Tai Lung. Why am I not surprised?! You imitate the characters all day long. You have seen the movie once and you are already quoting the dialogues. Of course you do not yet understand their meaning or the implications. But you say them with such conviction, if I hadn’t known better I would bow to thee and call you Master Tanay. Here are a few of your favorites:

• Everytime I ask you to do something, you roll your eyes and say…” Maybe later onnn”. By the way, Papa does this too, so I am kinda reaching the end of my rope on this one.
• This is your DESTINY!
• That’s mystifying! (You have just brought it to my attention that this, in fact was said by Tigger. Although I could totally see it coming out of the mouth of an animated character residing in Ancient China). 

Sometimes you really do say the funniest things and you are probably the only person who can break my anger with laughter. There is nothing much I can do when your answer to my, “STOP ANNOYING ME!!” is a simple, “Thank you Momma, that was very sweet of you.”

Finally, I really wish you would pay atleast a quarter of your attention to learning numbers and trying to read. I would not be surprised if you were to become the youngest paleontologist who couldnt read and count beyond 10. I am really making an effort to follow your lead and not pressurise you. Well… as long as you are happy. And you make money. And you pour me a drink when I am old.

Love,

Momma