The following took place while Tanay was coloring some dinosaurs.

Tanay: Look how pretty she is!

Me: So, the T-rex is a girl?

Tanay: Yeah. She is a girl. And girls love lots of pretty colors. Omigosh! she is so so pretty!

Me: Who is the other guy?

Tanay: Eh…He is just some plant eater. But just look at how pretty my girl meat eater is!!

Me: uh..huh (starting to panic now)

Tanay: I really really hope that she eats this plant eater. I hope he does not poke her tummy with his sharp spikes. That would make me so sad.

OK. Is it just me or does anyone else think that there is something wrong with the way this conversation is going??!! Any words of advice are highly appreciated.

Last week Tanay got back from school with a ” I am very very sad” look on his face. On probing, I found out that he was feeling left out since I had not signed him up for swim lessons in school. ” My feelings are hurt when the teacher does not call my name“. So, I relented and signed him up. Frankly we hadn’t really done much of swimming this summer. Feeling rather guilty, we decided to make the most of whatever little time we have left. In addition to swim lessons in school, we will also be going to the local YMCA come September. (I just hope I haven’t over done it). This past Sunday, Shubham took him to the community pool which luckily for us is right behind the house. It’s ideal, since we are THE laziest family on the street. Also my constant ooing and aahing about Michael Phelps in the last few days has made him Tanay’s hero too. Phelps is my kind of an obsession. I wholeheartedly support it.

Yesterday we noticed that Shubham had this huge bug bite on his arm. Now, the only time he had been out in the wild (ahem) was when he went swimming. The bite had two tiny white spots on it. Shubham’s theory was that a snake probably jumped high up in the air and bit him. That too in the ten steps it takes to get to the pool from our house. Thrilling but very unlikely. Anyways, it looked nasty so we headed to the doctor’s office. I dropped Tanay off to school. But before he went he passed on some words of wisdom to his father, who by the way has a history of panicking at the mere sight of a needle. It’s no wonder that men don’t have babies. I digress and I don’t want get into the million other reasons there are for it.

“Momma… you don’t go with him. Let him go alone. And Papa, DON’T CRY THERE (I have a reputation, you know!). I am going to be very MAD if you cry. BE BRAVE”.

Thankfully there were no needles involved so both Papa and son were happy with the outcome. As for the flying snake who allegedly bit him…. WE ARE ON THE LOOKOUT!

Also, I have an update on the trashed dinosaur situation. A couple of days ago, Tanay stormed into our room early morning and demanded,” WHERE ARE ALL MY DINOSAURS?!”. Ugh! not a pleasant way to wake up. I very clamly told him that he knew exactly where they were. Of course he wanted them all back and I was immediately deemed to be VERY MEAN. I cannot tell you the relief I felt. Finally, ALL WAS WELL WITH THE WORLD. My dino boy was back! So we negotiated and worked out an arrangement. For every day that he is good, he gets one back. Of course, we HAVE to thoroughly clean it. After all it was in the garbage! Duh! I know its going to be a long time until all of them are back in the house. But I think it will be worth the wait.

I am back home after a week in Toronto. It was my first time there and I am actually quite glad that I tagged along with Shubham, who was there on business. Not only did I get out of spending 7 torturous days alone with Tanay, constantly answering, “When is Papa coming back?!”, I also got to meet up with some old friends. My good friend was also there with her twins and we had a great time walking around and exploring the city. Keep your eyes on the Daily Photo section for some visuals.

Now, travelling with Nidhi is like travelling with a walking-talking Lonely Planet. Yeah…she is that good! Not only that, she has this tremendous passion for knowledge and is constantly teaching the kids new things, right from stuff about the human body to the delicate intricacies of the hookah. Why, when we passed the Toronto stock Exchange on one of our walks, she even told the kids everything about how stocks are bought and sold. In fact I have decided to send Tanay to her place every week for a crash course in all those important subjects which I am not good at. Actually that includes just about everything. I admit that I have a huge problem when it comes to coaching of any form. I have very little patience. Yes. I know. I have to work on it. Trust me… I am.

One evening, after dinner, we happened to walk by the Toronto Stock Exchange once again, and Tanay repeated all that he had learnt from her. Shubham was quite impressed. We talked about how we should take a cue from her and try and introduce Tanay to new things. After thinking for a while, Shubham announced, “Start playing Mozart for Tanay. And the rest will fall right in place!” Not that it made any sense to me, but I have learnt not to question him when it comes to music. Just as I was instructed, I obediently played some Mozart the following morning.

Tanay (listening attentively): Why are there no words??

Me: Because it’s just instrumental. This music was made by Mozart…. one of the greatest musicians in the world.

Tanay (eyes litting up): Was he scary?! Maybe he was Mozartosaurus!

Me (thud): No….. He was not scary.

Tanay: Oh! Let’s pretend that he was scary. 

I am really at a loss. When is this dinosaur phase going to end? I mean, what do I do with a kid who will spell Megalosaurus (of course with help), but not even try to attempt C-A-T.

Yesterday was a very big day….. for Tanay. We took him to Madison Square Garden to see Walking with Dinosaurs. We had told him when we booked the tickets which was months ago, but were very careful not to talk about it too much because then we have to go RIGHT AWAY. This was one of the cards I used to soften the blow of his grandparents’ return to India. Once it was out, I used up every single opportunity to play the ” We won’t take you to the dinosaur show card”. Stop whining…… else….., finish your water…. else…… stop making the T-rex jump on my head… else…! Yeah.. yeah… I can be mean sometimes. But c’mon! you have to agree with me, when was I going to get this golden chance again?!

So, the night before the show as I tucked him into bed, I told him to sleep tight and to not wake up too early as the show was only at 3pm. See… here’s where I always go wrong. Never tell a toddler to do something, especially when that something has important repercussions. Coz… of course he is going to do the exact opposite of that. Tanay was up at 6:30 that morning….. all bright eyed and ready for his dino adventure…. Groan!

Apart from all the dinosaur sightings, the city never fails to entertain me. Especially if you are riding the subway. And the best thing to do there is people watch. We met up with a cousin for lunch at this nice Thai place called Topaz in Midtown. Then on the subway to Madison Square Garden, there was this Hispanic guy carrying a smallish backpack, standing by the door. That backpack had a lock the size of a tennis ball!! A big red lock. And not just any regular lock. It appeared to have a couple of dials on it to set up a code or something. Real fancy. Needless to say, I spent the rest of the ride wondering what it was that he was trying to protect with such an inconspicuous seal. Hmmmm….

After the show, we went to H&M. That’s like my city routine which I HAVE to do. Shubham had to take a business call so we were just waiting outside the store. At this point Tanay had turned into a live ticking bomb. Tired… sleepy…. cranky but much too excited to rest and there was no way on earth that I was getting into a store by myself. To keep him busy, I decided  to get us some ice cream, when suddenly someone tapped on my shoulder. I turned and found myself facing not one…. not two but a big family of Gujaratis!!! For those who don’t know, I have a history of always being confronted and harassed by them. Although it is never intentional on their part. Anyways, so this family was looking for a particular address on Madison Ave and were asking for directions. I told them that I wasn’t sure, and that I would check with Shubham once he got off the phone. So I turned my back to them expecting them to leave. But, I had this strange sensation that they hadn’t left. You know the feeling that a dozen eyes are watching you. Yeah…. they were right where I had left them. They were all waiting for Shubham to finish his call. Yes….. all ten of them just stood there staring at him! He was totally creeped out and I was petrified that I would have to do small talk with them. Because of course, they have to talk to me in Gujarati. C’mon people, for the last time, I DO NOT SPEAK YOUR LANGUAGE! But luckily Tanay came to the rescue by indicating that the bomb was about to go off and well….. what followed was not pretty. But for once (and this will probably be the last time, unless I bump into them again) I was actually relieved that he had found this exact moment for a blow up. As for the Gujjus… they waited patiently for a while and when Shubham showed no signs of rescuing them, they left. I sincerely hope they reached their destination safely.

As for the show, It was brilliant! I LOVED it and I am not the dino fan. Tanay was beside himself with joy! But I must warn you of the flip side too. He woke up this morning at 5:30 am and stormed into our bed armed with 5 of his best dinosaurs and kept saying, “THE SHOW WAS AWESOME!! JUST AWESOME!”. After which he proceeded to put on an entire show of his own. This has resulted in me having the worst headache of the century. Apart from this minor irritant, the show gets our FIVE STAR rating and a must see recommendation. Even if you are not a dinosaur fan. You just might turn into one. Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Well there is only one way to find out.

We have been in this country for five years but somehow never felt the urge to visit DC. We could have very well done it when we were in Boston, but we kinda knew that when our parents visited, at least one of them would want to see it. And frankly, DC is not one the places I would like to see more than once. Unless it’s for a completely non-touristy reason.  So, when Papa expressed his desire to see the White House, we packed our bags into the SUV and started out at the crack of dawn. Except it was more like 9am. Now, don’t think that we just put some clothes and a toothbrush in a bag and zipped it up. There was a lot of planning that went into what needed to be taken for an overnight trip. You see Maa & Papa are strict vegetarians, so we had to take some food along. The previous day, Maa made three different kinds of vegetables - Aalu (Potatoes), Bhindi (Okra) & Karela (Bitter gourd) and 50 Pooris. Then there was the pickle and two kinds of sweets for dessert. It all looked so pretty laid out on the writing desk in the hotel room.

By the time we finished packing up all the food in containers, I was beginning to feel some excitement creep into my boring bones. Unfortunately, Shubham was experiencing some totally opposite emotions. He threw quite a fit when he saw the bags of food lined up near the door. You see, Shubham suffers from baggophobia. Yes…… I totally made that word up. He has trouble carrying even the required amount of baggage when he travels. Packing for a trip can someday prove to be hazardous to our relationship. But this time was different. I was not alone. Maa was with me. That pretty much shut him up and clinched the deal in our favor.

Every time we are taking a trip, Tanay needs to be informed about all the details. We learnt this the hard way when on his first road trip to Boston, we forgot to mention how far away it was. “TAKE ME BACK TO MY HOME. I AM MISSING MY NEW JERSEY!!” was all we heard during the 5 hour drive. I can still hear the ringing in my ears. So, we told him about the grand plan and he did seem rather excited! Of course he had absolutely no clue what DC meant. In addition to telling him about the White House and the memorials, we made the mistake of mentioning that there were also some museums there. That was it. He thought we were going to the Museum of Natural History. Groan! I just kept hoping that he would forget. But unfortunately that’s the one thing he cannot forget. We reached the hotel, dumped our bags and started walking towards the White House. It was hot and sultry day and before we knew it, he had dozed off in his stroller. An hour or so into the walk, I was ready to just go back to the room, watch some movie and call it a day. But Tanay had some plans of his own. It just so happened that we were walking by the National Musuem of Natural History when he woke up. “There’s the museum…. great!”. Perfect……now isn’t that why  we drove four long hours….. to go and see some more dino fossils….. YET AGAIN!

By now, I have enough number of museum visits to my credit to voice some opinions of my own. Frankly, I was a little disappointed with the exhibits. Personally, I think the one in NYC is way better. But again, this one was free. Anyways, after stopping at the museum store on our way our and adding an Allosaurus to his collection, Tanay obliged by agreeing to move on to the other attractions in the neighbourhood. He was obviously not interested in seeing any of the buildings. They all looked the same to him. Frankly, I don’t blame him.

Next on the list was The National Air and Space Museum. This did seem like an interesting place, although I somehow could not seem to take my mind off the pooris and the bhindi which we were about to eat for lunch. Walking around, Tanay spotted a telescope. He had learned from a Diego episode that a telescope is used to look at the planets and the stars. The only problem was that there was a long line of people waiting for their turn. But he was adamant. So we waited… patiently……. while I continued day dreaming about food.

Once his got his turn, he kept trying to adjust the telescope so that he could see clearly. Shubham kept asking if he could see anything. After a while, he nodded his head and said,” I saw a BUG! It was FUN!! Let’s go now.” Another one of those moments when words fail you and you don’t really know whether to laugh or cry. We were just so exhausted that we beamed at him and just nodded along.

All in all it was a good trip. For me the best part of the trip was the food. I know.. I am pathetic. I can’t help it. I am not an American history buff, atleast not yet…. nor am I a musuem buff… or any kind of a buff for that matter. I just bore very easily. Especially if the subject itself is so boring. But I was glad that we went with family . I would have never done this trip with just the three of us. We would have probably strangled each other out of sheer boredom. That’s probably the most number of times anybody has used the word boring in a paragraph.

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Rit posted a few of his realizations on his blog while urging us to arrive at some of our very own. It was supposed to be our homework for that weekend. I have been meaning to do my bit, but something or the other kept coming up. But trust me, I always did my homework on time. I was a model student. Until I hit my teens and I realised what an idiot I was to be wasting my time when I could be having fun. It’s true, I never really enjoyed studying. However, after all these years, the mere sight of the word “homework” filled my heart with a childish urge to please someone. In this case…. I know I am late by some days, but I am damn sure that not a single person who read that post has bothered to give this a thought. That makes me the WINNER!!

So, after a long and busy day, I sit down….. take a deep breath and write.

1. I don’t mind making rotis after all.
2. It is very important for my sanity that Tanay goes to school.
3. I officially cannot stand the sight of Aishwarya Rai Bachchan. Just writing her name makes me cringe. UGH!
4. I simply don’t like my tea without ginger. I tried. It’s not working out.
5. I truly HATE chain mails. Of all sorts. If you are reading this and thinking of sending me one. STOP RIGHT THERE. DO NOT PROCEED. If you don’t I may just have to kill you.
6. I am actually enjoying learning about dinosaurs. Wow… that was a big one.
7. And I never thought I would say this. I miss waking up hung over.

The rest of the people at home have also been having realizations of their own. Maa and Papa have realized that every single thing we told them about Tanay and his dino obsession is true. They learnt it the hard way when they were initiated into the freaky Dino Cult. The ceremony took place yesterday. It started with the application of fierce dinosaur tattoos and culminated with individual blood curdling screams. It was quite pretty to watch. Unfortunately video cameras were strictly prohibited.

As for Tanay, he has realized that if he wants to get his way, he has to suck up to his grandparents. Momma has gotten too clever to fall for his tricks and as for Papa… well… he believes whatever Momma says…hahaha (evil laugh). The grandparents on the other hand are fresh bait. Too much in love with their innocent eyed grandson to believe that he can do any wrong. I am not getting in their way. If it makes all of them happy, who am I to say otherwise. Now…… a final sappy realization. Seeing Tanay with his grandparents makes me wish we weren’t so damn far away in the first place. OK. I am done.

Rit…… I deserve an award.

Remember the dinosaur pancake moulds which I bought at a garage sale recently. Well… I used them yesterday. And lo and behold….. I had a Diplodocus uttapam! As in any new cooking experience, there were certain basic rookie mistakes I made. Following are the learnings.

1. Wear mittens. I learnt this the hard way.
2. Grease the mould generously.
3. Lower the heat.
4. Try to think of them as food and not as pre-historic tyrant lizards….. (shudder!)

After a few burnt dinos, I finally got the hang of it. Here’s my master piece.

While Tanay devoured his Indian pancake, I tried to think of the most exotic living thing that I had eaten. It would have to be the crab. My aunt back home in Bombay makes the most mind blowing crab curry ever! And I am so craving it right now. I think it has been over five years since I last bit into one of those juicy creatures. Although I am sure that I could get crabs here if I wanted to, but I think I can wait another five years to eat them than have to make them myself. I know… I am totally grossing out some of you. Apologies.

I found this King Crab on the walls of the Adventure Aquarium in Camden, NJ. Now you see why I am not so interested in trying to cook something which looks like this.

Hope I have not ruined anyone’s dinner. Bon Appetit.

I am not kidding! We saw one…. right here, near Ruby Tuesday! ROTFLMAO. Sorry guys…. I am feeling quite stoned this morning and not in a good way. My bet is that it has something to do with my age.

This past Saturday, Tanay insisted that I take him to his music class (Papa was not his favorite person that day). On our way back from the class, we stopped at a neighbourhood garage sale, much to Tanay’s annoyance. I had to lure him by assuring him that there would be some fun toys at the sale. Of course I did not believe that. I had never been to a garage sale before but I had heard great tales about people finding treasures at bargain prices. So, with a heart filled with hope and a reluctant toddler holding my hand, we crossed the street into the decorated yard. 

As I was looking at all the stuff trying to find the treasure that was meant for me, I heard a super excited “MOMMY…. LOOK WHAT I FOUND!”. I walked to where he was standing and just stared. I could not believe my eyes. There lying on the grass, amongst all the random toys, was a box full of dinosaurs!! Damn it!! these freaks are everywhere! Of course we picked them up along with a book to go with it .Tanay was beaming at me, as if saying, “You were right!!! we did find some toys!”.

Now, I wanted some toys of my own. So I started looking through the kitchen items. And there was this brand new box of pancake moulds…… hold your breath…. DINOSAUR PANCAKE MOULDS!!! For crying out loud!!!! I didn’t even know that something like this existed. Ofcourse I bought them. I don’t make pancakes…. but maybe I will be inspired to make some dinosaur shaped uttapams. Mmmm!

Now…. here’s the best part. All this cost me $3.00!!! Can you friggin believe that?! Especially after all the money we have already spent on buying the enormous dino army which Tanay owns. I am literally kicking myself. Why….why did I not buy all these at a garage sale. Just imagine the savings!….. sigh! never-mind. At the moment I am finding peace in the fact that once this dino phase is over, I am having the world’s biggest prehistoric garage sale ever!