We have been in this country for five years but somehow never felt the urge to visit DC. We could have very well done it when we were in Boston, but we kinda knew that when our parents visited, at least one of them would want to see it. And frankly, DC is not one the places I would like to see more than once. Unless it’s for a completely non-touristy reason.  So, when Papa expressed his desire to see the White House, we packed our bags into the SUV and started out at the crack of dawn. Except it was more like 9am. Now, don’t think that we just put some clothes and a toothbrush in a bag and zipped it up. There was a lot of planning that went into what needed to be taken for an overnight trip. You see Maa & Papa are strict vegetarians, so we had to take some food along. The previous day, Maa made three different kinds of vegetables - Aalu (Potatoes), Bhindi (Okra) & Karela (Bitter gourd) and 50 Pooris. Then there was the pickle and two kinds of sweets for dessert. It all looked so pretty laid out on the writing desk in the hotel room.

By the time we finished packing up all the food in containers, I was beginning to feel some excitement creep into my boring bones. Unfortunately, Shubham was experiencing some totally opposite emotions. He threw quite a fit when he saw the bags of food lined up near the door. You see, Shubham suffers from baggophobia. Yes…… I totally made that word up. He has trouble carrying even the required amount of baggage when he travels. Packing for a trip can someday prove to be hazardous to our relationship. But this time was different. I was not alone. Maa was with me. That pretty much shut him up and clinched the deal in our favor.

Every time we are taking a trip, Tanay needs to be informed about all the details. We learnt this the hard way when on his first road trip to Boston, we forgot to mention how far away it was. “TAKE ME BACK TO MY HOME. I AM MISSING MY NEW JERSEY!!” was all we heard during the 5 hour drive. I can still hear the ringing in my ears. So, we told him about the grand plan and he did seem rather excited! Of course he had absolutely no clue what DC meant. In addition to telling him about the White House and the memorials, we made the mistake of mentioning that there were also some museums there. That was it. He thought we were going to the Museum of Natural History. Groan! I just kept hoping that he would forget. But unfortunately that’s the one thing he cannot forget. We reached the hotel, dumped our bags and started walking towards the White House. It was hot and sultry day and before we knew it, he had dozed off in his stroller. An hour or so into the walk, I was ready to just go back to the room, watch some movie and call it a day. But Tanay had some plans of his own. It just so happened that we were walking by the National Musuem of Natural History when he woke up. “There’s the museum…. great!”. Perfect……now isn’t that why  we drove four long hours….. to go and see some more dino fossils….. YET AGAIN!

By now, I have enough number of museum visits to my credit to voice some opinions of my own. Frankly, I was a little disappointed with the exhibits. Personally, I think the one in NYC is way better. But again, this one was free. Anyways, after stopping at the museum store on our way our and adding an Allosaurus to his collection, Tanay obliged by agreeing to move on to the other attractions in the neighbourhood. He was obviously not interested in seeing any of the buildings. They all looked the same to him. Frankly, I don’t blame him.

Next on the list was The National Air and Space Museum. This did seem like an interesting place, although I somehow could not seem to take my mind off the pooris and the bhindi which we were about to eat for lunch. Walking around, Tanay spotted a telescope. He had learned from a Diego episode that a telescope is used to look at the planets and the stars. The only problem was that there was a long line of people waiting for their turn. But he was adamant. So we waited… patiently……. while I continued day dreaming about food.

Once his got his turn, he kept trying to adjust the telescope so that he could see clearly. Shubham kept asking if he could see anything. After a while, he nodded his head and said,” I saw a BUG! It was FUN!! Let’s go now.” Another one of those moments when words fail you and you don’t really know whether to laugh or cry. We were just so exhausted that we beamed at him and just nodded along.

All in all it was a good trip. For me the best part of the trip was the food. I know.. I am pathetic. I can’t help it. I am not an American history buff, atleast not yet…. nor am I a musuem buff… or any kind of a buff for that matter. I just bore very easily. Especially if the subject itself is so boring. But I was glad that we went with family . I would have never done this trip with just the three of us. We would have probably strangled each other out of sheer boredom. That’s probably the most number of times anybody has used the word boring in a paragraph.

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Rit posted a few of his realizations on his blog while urging us to arrive at some of our very own. It was supposed to be our homework for that weekend. I have been meaning to do my bit, but something or the other kept coming up. But trust me, I always did my homework on time. I was a model student. Until I hit my teens and I realised what an idiot I was to be wasting my time when I could be having fun. It’s true, I never really enjoyed studying. However, after all these years, the mere sight of the word “homework” filled my heart with a childish urge to please someone. In this case…. I know I am late by some days, but I am damn sure that not a single person who read that post has bothered to give this a thought. That makes me the WINNER!!

So, after a long and busy day, I sit down….. take a deep breath and write.

1. I don’t mind making rotis after all.
2. It is very important for my sanity that Tanay goes to school.
3. I officially cannot stand the sight of Aishwarya Rai Bachchan. Just writing her name makes me cringe. UGH!
4. I simply don’t like my tea without ginger. I tried. It’s not working out.
5. I truly HATE chain mails. Of all sorts. If you are reading this and thinking of sending me one. STOP RIGHT THERE. DO NOT PROCEED. If you don’t I may just have to kill you.
6. I am actually enjoying learning about dinosaurs. Wow… that was a big one.
7. And I never thought I would say this. I miss waking up hung over.

The rest of the people at home have also been having realizations of their own. Maa and Papa have realized that every single thing we told them about Tanay and his dino obsession is true. They learnt it the hard way when they were initiated into the freaky Dino Cult. The ceremony took place yesterday. It started with the application of fierce dinosaur tattoos and culminated with individual blood curdling screams. It was quite pretty to watch. Unfortunately video cameras were strictly prohibited.

As for Tanay, he has realized that if he wants to get his way, he has to suck up to his grandparents. Momma has gotten too clever to fall for his tricks and as for Papa… well… he believes whatever Momma says…hahaha (evil laugh). The grandparents on the other hand are fresh bait. Too much in love with their innocent eyed grandson to believe that he can do any wrong. I am not getting in their way. If it makes all of them happy, who am I to say otherwise. Now…… a final sappy realization. Seeing Tanay with his grandparents makes me wish we weren’t so damn far away in the first place. OK. I am done.

Rit…… I deserve an award.

For all those who don’t know me that well, I have never been the one to go on a diet. I actually never needed to. For most part of my life, I was, what you call mal-nutritioned. I know, it’s hard to believe now, but trust me on this one. I used to fast many years ago, much before Tanay was born. And to tell you frankly, that fast was actually not even a fast. It was a fake fast. I would eat a meal once a day, usually dinner. The rest of the day I would eat fruits, milk and other dairy products. My favorite used to be ice creams and a McDonalds strawberry shake alongwith some fries. Some fast eh….. go figure! I am positive that I consumed way more calories than any regular non-fast day. But it was all in good faith.

But after I got pregnant, I just had to stop. There was no way I could get to even lunch time without eating a full meal. In fact, after Tanay was born , I did try to go back to it. But being hungry just turned me into a raging, yelling, snapping Mommasaurus. And I was beginning to hate that person. I just stopped. So, ever since then I have not attempted to go on any kind of a diet. When Maa & Papa (Shubham’s parents) got here this past Sunday, the first thing they said to me was that, ” You have lost so much of weight!”. Ofcourse I have, the last time you visited us, I was 70 lbs overweight and resembling a cow. Also that was over two years ago. And I really did not have to make too much of an effort. The person who was responsible for my weight gain (read Tanay) was also responsible for it’s loss. Although it was a rather harsh, slap-me-in-my-face kind of a weight loss program. However I was happy with the end result. So it all kinda evened out. Anyways, back to the present, Maa is positive that I need to gain some weight. Frankly with her around it’s not really hard. In fact its hard not to eat. What with morning parathas and two course meals with dessert and not to forget the evening snacks. I could so get used to this. It’s just been two days and I already feel as if all I do is eat. And if nothing else there are the irresistible besan laddoos which are HHHAAAWSOME! See, my philosophy is simple. When your mom gives you some advice, you take it. Especially if it tastes so good.

Ever since I was bit by the gardening bug, I am being very diligent about watering my blooming lovelies. It’s not that I really care so much about the plants (GASP! there I said it), as much as I love just being out there by myself with a blank mind just aimlessly spraying water everywhere. You could say, it’s my way of meditating.

It was going great, until one day, Tanayosaurus decided to lend a helping hand. I have a feeling that the plants may die just from the sinister dino sounds which he always HAS to make. And no one would believe me if I had to tell them that this was the reason for the plant massacre. Hence the need to document. 

At first he was little hesitant to touch the hose….. I guess from fear of getting his clothes wet. But once he got over that, there was no looking back. I was fine with that. I just instructed him to water the plants…. the shrubs… the grass. Until, he insisted on watering each and every single piece of grass. I was all, “You don’t have to do that, Tanay”. But ” THE GRASS IS THIRSTY….. CAN”T YOU SEE THAT!?” Well…. this is gonna take a while. Guess we will be having frozen pizza for dinner tonight!

Not only is the grass thirsty… the giant ugly stone, which was put up by Mr. K (previous home owner) to hide the not-so-ugly electrical point, is dying of thirst too….. apparently.

This stone which is on either side of the house is, what you can call, a landmark. In the sense that it distinguishes our home from the rest on the street. From what a neighbour tells me, the association had vehemently protested against it when Mr. K first put it up. Apparently it was spoiling the beauty of the street. So Mr. K took it off for a bit and after the matter was all forgotten he brought them out again. This time no one noticed. I guess they had found something else to protest against. Eh….. I don’t care either way.

So, an activity which used to take me 10 minutes tops, now consumes at least a hour of my time. So much for meditation and relaxation.

Close to 30 years after disbanding following Bonham’s death in 1980, Led Zeppelin continue to be held in high regard for their artistic achievements, commercial success and broad influence. The band have sold more than 300 million albums worldwide,including 111.5 million sales in the US and they have had all of their original studio albums reach the Top 10. Led Zeppelin are ranked No. 1 on VH1’s 100 Greatest Artists of Hard Rock. Rolling Stone magazine has described Led Zeppelin as “the heaviest band of all time” and “the biggest band of the 70s”.

- Wikipedia

Tanay paying homage to Robert Plant (Led Zeppelin) - the greatest rock band ever….

Disclaimer:

This post may come across as somewhat uncomfortable & sappy. I can’t help it. You see, I have never been the one to express my feelings openly. Is this going to be a monthly thing, you may wonder(or fear)…! I don’t think so. We will see how I feel about it after I am done. Also, lately I have been getting way more sleep than my body is used to which has brought back some of the lost sanity. So, at the risk of sounded a lot mushy and a little corny, here goes.

Dear Tanay,

You are 39 months old today. Yeah… It’s been that long since you came into my life. You were a tiny, pink screaming baby looking at me with your gorgeous eyes as if saying, “Yo! nice to meet you!”. You may wonder, why after three years and three months I have sat down to write to you. The answer is simple. I have the time. Before you were born, I went through the usual euphoria and bought tons of rather useless stuff like baby books and keepsake journals. My original plan was to write in the journal regularly. The baby book was used for about 6 months and as for the journal…. well it never took off. I had such misleading dreams about being a mother. I thought I would have time on my hands to make scrap books and picture albums and eat healthy food everyday. And then you happened. And as time went by I realised that I can either do all of that or I can spend time with you. Making the decision was simple. So, if all you remember of your toddler days is eating chicken nuggets, then just remember that I made the right choice. And btw you LOVE chicken nuggets. And they are baked. Being your mom has been the most important and enjoyable thing I have ever done. Also the most hardest. It also comes No. 1 on my ” The coolest thing I have ever done” list.

This morning, as I was looking up the calender, the date struck me and I said OK.. I am going to sit down and write to you. Maybe you will grow up and read this. Maybe not. But at least I would have accomplished one thing which I have been meaning to do ever since that day 39 months ago.

I cannot possibly go back to the day you were born. So I am just going to say things that are on my mind. You have given me so much joy in the last few months. You have started sleeping in your own room and occasionally through the night. And this alone has done wonders for all three of us. I love it when you wake up at dawn and come running into my room to snuggle with me. I will probably never tell you this, but sometimes I lie awake just waiting to hear the pitter patter of your tiny feet entering our bedroom. I love it when you give me one of your big bear hugs and say, ” I love you sho sho much Momma”. Please don’t ever stop doing that. Well…. I know you will… that too real soon… but please don’t!

You still love playing with your dinosaurs. It just amazes me how much you love learning about them. And then there are the sharks. You love them too. And the Big Bad Wolf. And Ursula and Jaffar. Actually you love every single evil character ever to reside in a story. You love cooking up stories of dinosaurs and the Mysterious Beyond (while I feel the creepers crawling under my skin). And you love music. Which I kinda had a hint, when, at six months of age, I saw you moving your feet furiously to “Kajra re“, perfectly in tune with the beat. In fact just a couple of days ago, you amazed me by asking to play the remix of one of the songs, “Play the one with the fast beat”. Much to my dad’s delight (he was a professional soccer player), you are beginning to love and enjoy soccer. And you are so in awe of your Coach Shaun. You want to dress like him, walk like him and even talk like him. No.. I am not exaggerating. Why else would you walk around the house with a pretend microphone in your hands yelling, “ARE YOU READY GUYS? TAKE YOUR POSITIONS!” You dragged me to the shoe store because you did not like the new black and yellow soccer shoes I got for you. You forced me to buy another pair in white and black…… just coz Coach wears a similar pair. By the way Coach Shaun even apologised to me for that. Well… its not his problem that you are totally idolising him. 

Moving on to the next item on your list of obsessions. It’s none other than Kung Fu Panda. You are smitten. No.. not by the cute and flabby panda Po, but by the evil snow leopard Tai Lung. Why am I not surprised?! You imitate the characters all day long. You have seen the movie once and you are already quoting the dialogues. Of course you do not yet understand their meaning or the implications. But you say them with such conviction, if I hadn’t known better I would bow to thee and call you Master Tanay. Here are a few of your favorites:

• Everytime I ask you to do something, you roll your eyes and say…” Maybe later onnn”. By the way, Papa does this too, so I am kinda reaching the end of my rope on this one.
• This is your DESTINY!
• That’s mystifying! (You have just brought it to my attention that this, in fact was said by Tigger. Although I could totally see it coming out of the mouth of an animated character residing in Ancient China). 

Sometimes you really do say the funniest things and you are probably the only person who can break my anger with laughter. There is nothing much I can do when your answer to my, “STOP ANNOYING ME!!” is a simple, “Thank you Momma, that was very sweet of you.”

Finally, I really wish you would pay atleast a quarter of your attention to learning numbers and trying to read. I would not be surprised if you were to become the youngest paleontologist who couldnt read and count beyond 10. I am really making an effort to follow your lead and not pressurise you. Well… as long as you are happy. And you make money. And you pour me a drink when I am old.

Love,

Momma

Remember the dinosaur pancake moulds which I bought at a garage sale recently. Well… I used them yesterday. And lo and behold….. I had a Diplodocus uttapam! As in any new cooking experience, there were certain basic rookie mistakes I made. Following are the learnings.

1. Wear mittens. I learnt this the hard way.
2. Grease the mould generously.
3. Lower the heat.
4. Try to think of them as food and not as pre-historic tyrant lizards….. (shudder!)

After a few burnt dinos, I finally got the hang of it. Here’s my master piece.

While Tanay devoured his Indian pancake, I tried to think of the most exotic living thing that I had eaten. It would have to be the crab. My aunt back home in Bombay makes the most mind blowing crab curry ever! And I am so craving it right now. I think it has been over five years since I last bit into one of those juicy creatures. Although I am sure that I could get crabs here if I wanted to, but I think I can wait another five years to eat them than have to make them myself. I know… I am totally grossing out some of you. Apologies.

I found this King Crab on the walls of the Adventure Aquarium in Camden, NJ. Now you see why I am not so interested in trying to cook something which looks like this.

Hope I have not ruined anyone’s dinner. Bon Appetit.

And by kids, I mean my kid. This last Friday, Tanay had his spring show in school. It is also a kind of a graduation. The teachers and the kids put on a show with songs and dance. Tanay did very well. No crying no whining. He sang all the songs complete with actions and seemed to be enjoying it. After that they had a small pizza party which of course we had to attend. It’s like every single kid comes to school on Fridays only for the pizza. It’s amazing the kind of control cheese and tomato sauce over dough has over them. When it was time to leave, Tanay went and said goodbye to all his teachers. One of his teachers hugged him and was sad that he was leaving. Now I must mention that this teacher is slightly on the heavier side. Not too much. In fact I would call her pleasantly plump.

Ms. R. : Can I come with you to your home? Will you take me with you?

Tanay : No. You cannot fit in my car. You are too big.

This is one of the moments when I wish the earth would magically open up and swallow me and just make me disappear.

Tanay: I will have to get Papa’s big black car for you.

And he said this all with utmost sincerity and innocence. All we could do was laugh. Luckily Ms. R. is rather fond of him. Whew! disaster averted….. for now.

When Shubham went to India recently, he spent about five hours at my parents’ home in Mumbai. Just like everytime, my mom asked me what she could send for Tanay. And just like every time, I said nothing bulky. Shubham, you see, is a packing Nazi. In the sense that he hates carrying luggage. If we are going for three days, he will pack stuff for two and a half. I, on the other hand will pack for six. You never know when I may feel like wearing my pink floral stilettos or my raw silk halter top. And what a shame it would be if I didn’t have it with me! So every time mom has to send something with him, she is petrified. Will he take it or will he just refuse. Anyways, I told her to make some cards for Tanay or write him a letter. Because he just loves that and will keep on reading it again and again. So along with that my mom also sent in a pretty envelope with a “letter for me”. Of course Shubham did not question that because…… it was light and could fit in his back pocket.

Fast forward to when he came home. I was delighted to see an envelope for me. But a letter?! My parents don’t write me letters! Very suspicious indeed. I opened it to find a sizable amount of $ as a gift for my birthday!! Shubham was shocked. He had been fooled!! I was like a child who had just been given a bonus allowance! I have spent some enjoyable hours at the mall spending the dough. Most of it at Forever21 coz OMG! I love their stuff! The one thing I realised was that no matter how old you get, you always remain your parent’s kid and its always way more fun spending their money!! So…. Thank you Mom & Dad for the gift! You are the best!

After a long day at the mall, I hauled my bags back home and as is custom, I got ready to put on a fashion show for the boys. I walk out in my first piece and when asked Tanay says, “Mom, you look hot!”. What!!! my son thinks I am hot! That’s the best compliment ever! After the initial euphoria died down, I kinda wondered if that was a word a toddler ought to know. I mean I was not worried about him knowing the word per se but more so about the context in which he used it. So I asked him what he meant by that. He said that the color of my shirt was yellow, which was the color of the sun and hence he thought that I was hot. Phew! atleast he had a sensible explanation for that. But now I had to make sure that he did not go around calling random people hot and more so not at school. So I proceeded to explain that how he must not call anyone hot. Anyone except…. maybe…. sometimes me. C’mon… Its not as if you can pay people to call you hot! So now when asked he says, “Pretty…. you look pretty”. It won’t be long before that answer will change to , “Whatever” or “Stop it Mom! you are embarrassing me!”.

And since we are on the topic of hotness, check out James Mcavoy in his upcoming movie Wanted. 

Enjoy and stay cool!

So for the last few days, Tanay was being coached on how it’s going to be my birthday soon. So this morning we woke up a little earlier than usual, coz Tanay was all stuffed up and coughing (ofcourse….. that had to happen today…ugh!). I made myself a cuppa tea and played the Birthday song. Not any birthday song…… Dora singing in Spanish. Yes… I know. I am pathetic.

Tanay: OOOH! It’s someone’s birthday today!!

Me: Yes…. remember it’s MY BIRTHDAY!

Tanay (somehow not convinced) : Really?!

So the song comes to the part where its goes…” How old are you now?”

Tanay: Momsie (yeah that’s what he calls me these days) How old you are????

Me: I am very very old….. (color draining from my face)

Tanay: No…. tell me…. How old you are?

Me: Tanay Mehrish… I do not have to answer your question!! It’s my birthday, I get to pick the question!!!

End of discussion. And now I shall go and shoot myself with Tanay’s brand new squirt gun.